Falling In and Out
by Roxius
Summary: When Homura, after failing again and again to save Madoka, begins to question herself on why she should even bother trying anymore, she discovers that the one person who can help her is someone she had already let down too many times to count. Homura X Ma


'Madoka...Madoka...Madoka...'

Homura had been staring so hard into the pink-haired girl's back, sitting only a seat behind her in class, that she failed to notice how hard she gripped her pencil. With an audible 'snap', the tiny utensil shattered apart in her fist, and the entire class's attention was immediately lunged upon her, Madoka included. She turned in her seat so that her bashful eyes met Homura's, and her thin, pink eyebrows knit together in worry. Homura unfurled her hand, letting the broken pencil roll onto the desk.

"Homura-chan...are you-" Madoka started to say. Homura leaped to her feet with a start.

"Akemi Homura, where are you going?" the teacher was attempting to keep order and assert her authority, referring to the raven-haired girl with her full name, but she was clearly as bewildered by Homura's sudden actions as everyone else. That was fine for Homura, she didn't want to try explaining herself to the teacher anyway. She needed to excuse herself, and desperately. She could still feel Madoka's eyes watching her from behind.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Would it be alright if I excused myself to the infirmary? I might have cut my hand."

"Oh, uh...o-of course, of course! Please, go on, Akemi-san. Do you want someone to accompany you?"

Madoka was about to volunteer; Homura didn't need to be even the slightest of a genius to anticipate it, Madoka was too kind of a girl to let anyone, especially her friend, walk out of the classroom alone with possibly injury. So before the pinkette could speak, Homura swiftly cut her off by exclaiming, "No thank you, I'll be fine." She ran out of the classroom and into the hallway, before she could allow Madoka even a single more second. She didn't want to hear her voice.

Homura kept walking and walking, completely without aim, until she felt she'd put enough distance between herself and the classroom. For the first time since she left, Homura looked down at her hand. There were no cuts, only a few tiny scratches and some black residue left behind by the pencil. She wiped it off on the hem of her skirt. Madoka was far too prevalent on her mind right now for her to care about something like a smudge on her uniform. It was usual for her, to be thinking of Madoka. She was obsessed with the girl and keeping her out of Kyuubey's greedy little paws.

However, recently, much to the young woman's bewilderment, terror and despair, her thoughts had started to take a darker turn when it came to her beloved friend.

Homura had once been so deeply attached to Madoka, so deeply in love with her that she traveled back in time again and again and again, doing so in a desperate attempt to prevent Madoka from forming the contract, and becoming a magical girl. Anyone who became a magical girl was doomed to a ruined life of pain and hopelessness that ended in a fate that made death seem like sweet release. Homura had been adamant in keeping Madoka from suffering that way. That meant taking on that ruined life herself.

She'd forsaken her own family, her own happiness, basically her whole life for the sake of a single person, a person who never remembered their friendship for very long. There was no possibility that Homura could back to the way things once were, she'd given up too much already. After rewinding the clock more often than she could bother to recall, constantly witnessing Madoka selfishly sacrifice herself and never heed her warnings, Homura's patience was truly beginning to drag thin. It seemed that that damn Incubator had always come up with a plan ahead of her, and every time that her efforts proved fruitless, Homura's mental and emotional psyche crumbled apart more and more. Nowadays, just seeing Madoka's innocent smile made Homura's heart ache, when long ago it would have elated her with joy to see her love so happy.

Homura grit her teeth as she glared down the long, empty corridor before her. She was starting to resent Madoka for putting her through all of this pain.

Homura blinked. Her vision had suddenly gotten blurry. She raised her sleeve to her face and wiped away the oncoming tears. She didn't want to hold so much animosity against Madoka. She was sick and tired of trying to help a girl who wasn't worth helping anymore, but acknowledging it hurt all the more because of how much she'd given up for her already. She'd dedicated her very life for Madoka; everything she did since becoming a magical girl was to protect her. If she stopped caring about Madoka and left her alone, would that mean she was effectively giving up on her own life for forfeit too?

Homura had gone so long without thinking for what was best for herself, she'd never considered any of this before.

* * *

Homura chose to remove herself from the school grounds for the day; she had already learned the lessons several time-jumps ago, and she wanted to avoid Madoka for a time, so she could properly clear her head of these dark clouds. Homura had never been a very introspective person before, but for a situation as dire as this one, she needed to figure out what she can change about herself to keep her relationship with Madoka. She didn't know what life without Madoka was like anymore.

'What am I supposed to do now? Where do I go?' Homura wondered. She thought of going back to her home, but there was no one there, and she never felt like she could relax in that damn place. She hurried for one of the tallest buildings she could spot in the immediate area. The school day wouldn't be over for a few more hours, so she didn't have to worry about running into Madoka or her friends, but she did need to be careful from being seen by the police. She was still wearing her school uniform, and it wasn't hard to expect they would interrogate her on why she was out of school early.

Homura stopped time just before she leaped high into the air, her arms outstretched like a bird's wings. It felt strangely good to let the air brush against her face and flow through her hair, a nice bit of satisfaction that helped ease the stress of her mind, if only a little bit. When her feet came in contact with sold ground again, she was standing atop the roof of a business hotel. She leaned against the guard rail as she observed the great span of the city below her, a beautiful view. A few birds were fluttering about overhead, and a few landed on the roof to peck at the bird seed; it seemed that the janitor had dropped some for the little creatures earlier that day.

Homura smiled solemnly to herself. She wished she could bring Madoka here. It was one of the best places for her to think. She was far separated from everyone else, no one would ever consider to search for her here. She could stare out into the distance for hours, and let her mind sort everything out without interruption. She used to come to this roof during her first few time leaps, when she was still adapting to her new life, but that'd been long ago. Now, if only she knew where to start untangling the cluttered mess that her feelings had become...

"Hello there, Akemi-san."

Homura twitched; she knew that voice, even if the last time she always heard it was when it quaking with insurmountable fear and bottomless despair. She spun around, hair whipping across her face, and she found her eyes meeting with Mami Tomoe's. The blonde, drill-haired girl had already transformed into her magical girl uniform. She was smiling, but Homura couldn't read it, like she used to be able to. It wasn't an apathetic smile, like Mami sometimes wore, but something else entirely.

"Tomoe-san..." Homura tried to say her name with indifference, but she really couldn't. She was thankful that she could meet Mami again with her head still intact.

"Akemi-san, I never thought that you'd become a magical girl...you never told any of us..." Mami stated, still smiling wistfully as ever, even though her eyes and tone of voice told a different story altogether.

'That's right,' Homura thought, 'I haven't revealed my powers as a magical girl to anyone in this timeline yet...this is much earlier than it should be...'

"I had always thought it was just me and Kyouko, but I never..." Mami looked so elated right now, "It's good to know that there's someone else like us too."

Homura curtly nodded. She was willing to let Mami do all the talking right now, because she was struggling at coming up with a proper response for herself at this point. Everything was falling completely out of order, and Homura was a girl who liked to keep things in order. Maybe she had slight OCD about it.

'Now that I think about it, with every attempt at saving Madoka's life, I let people like Mami die in her stead...isn't that so?'

"Umm...I know that it isn't right for either of us to have left class so early, but when I saw you outside, and realized you had seemingly vanished," Mami explained, referring to Homura's time-stopping powers, "I had to try and follow you because of my sudden hunch. Fortunately, it seems that that hunch was correct."

"You found me out, Tomoe-san. I wasn't careful enough."

Mami looked proud about that fact. Too proud.

"So what do you want from me now? I'm not hunting any witches yet, but I'm occupied right now."

"I thought you might like to join me back at my apartment for some tea? If you need help with anything, Akemi-san, you shouldn't be afraid to ask me. I'd be honored to lend you an ear." Ever so gracefully, she held out an open hand for the other girl to take. Homura would have scoffed had she been in a bad mood. Mami, always trying to act so confident and cool, when in reality, the girl probably just wanted someone to give her company. Homura had learned too much in her travels through time.

Still, the young woman considered Mami's offer for a few moments. She figured if there was anyone who deserved an honest explanation about the truth of events, and who might be able to understand the pain and confusion the closest, all without the usual brand of idiocy Kyouko carried, it might have been Mami. They had been closer friends in the past, and although Homura had distanced herself from her recently, there was a chance. A chance she could rectify their relationship.

Plus, she knew that Mami was great at making tea; she owned all of those fancy European brands. The ones you could never pronounce the names of with a straight face.

"Alright, I'll go with you."

Mami beamed, showing off her perfect white teeth. "Oh, that's great! Thank you so much! Let's head there right away!"

Homura started blushing; she hadn't noticed it before, but Mami Tomoe was actually kind of cute.


End file.
